A letter I wrote to a friend today, while trying to find something to do:
It's a sweltering hot summer afternoon in Sonoma County. I am being calmed by the tunes of Sven Van Hees and I just find myself closing my eyes and imagining...Imagining the never-ending world of people and things and meaning and stories. I see pictures, hear rhythms, feel the beating heart of others. I imagine the pictures which surround us every day coming alive, moving, enveloping us and I wonder how we get stagnant, or if we just feel stagnant.
Does Time stop? Do we actually find ourselves in moments of Einstein-esk periods of cycles and progression in which our perception actually effects Time itself? Or am I grasping, reaching, looking for something that is not visible? Can it be visible in my mind if it is not visible in my world? The power of Imagination. The power of Thought. The power of Now.
For the past three years I've been studying Rudolf Steiner, a German anthroposophist who takes my mind to worlds I never knew, who challenges how I see the world. I'm in my final year of Teacher Training, readying myself for that day, some day, to teach in a High School- and get paid. I currently teach in the Spring, co-developing a Sustainable Agriculture course of High School students in the 9th and 11th grade; it's a volunteer position I take-up for six weeks every morning but I love it. I love watching the students get their hands into the soil and realize through their food that they have power and choice and voice.
I work as an assistant publicist for a small company in Santa Rosa, encouraging and supporting musicians with their art and extending myself to the world through my words (ie I write press releases and emails all day long and help generate interest in people's music and art). Because of that I may be down in Los Angeles next week for a concert for one of the bands I work with.
I try to keep myself on my toes...right now I'm in a position, a lull, in my life. I see it as a semi-brown grassed valley that rests between two incredibly lush green hills and that the valley itself is Unfulfillment. I live an incredible life with people who inspire and fill me with awe; right now, this is where I need to be, so that I can step back and question and reflect on these people, my path, my work.
I dabble in the art of writing and painting, oil pastels, reading, but I primarily live in a world of sharing. It is how I relate to others that brings me joy and that is what I spend a lot of my time doing. Life has gifted me with amazing memories and powerful people...and sometimes I need to distance myself from it all to appreciate it even more.
I get restless, listless and so I travel. I visited people, I give hugs to people and I am constantly open to genuine belly laughs, laughter that consumes my being and lifts me from the ground into the cosmos.
And at times, I just sit back and stare at the ceiling and think about my past. I get philosophical, aggressive, passive, submissive, intense, pretense, all of that.
I marvel at the people who contributed to my making and forming, my shaping. I find myself relearning meditation and spirituality, open-mindedness, open-heartedness. Life is about living, which sounds like it is an obvious, but so often we are "simply along for a ride." In moments of clarity I see that I am the ride and that the ride is my life, therefore I am my life.
And that, right there, can help me make one more step out of the valley, past another blade of brown grass and self-degrading thought, past the voices which push me into and out of myself. That thought can help me be myself. In that being, that self, I am able to see, for a brief moment with a smile lingering on my lips, just what I am doing: reminding us both of unconditional love that extends beyond this and that, beyond the hardships and the qualitives, beyond the stuff that preoccupies us and into the realm of connection.
Mmmmm, thank you for providing the space for me to think freely. I think I just got a little more clarity to help me re-acquaint with Fulfillment.
I send you love and I remind you: here is the space for you to always share, regardless of the manner, the shape, the form, the clarity.
Genuine appreciation
| | SymposiaSophia (![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif?v=92.2){kind=small} symposiasophia) wrote, |
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Fullfillment in the Valley
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